What Fresh Hell Is This?

Que?

2006-05-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

It seems like a broken record but somehow the President and the Senate are still talking about languages, with Bush reiterating his earlier comments that immigrants should learn English while the Senate considers a bill that would make English the "national" language.

Obviously this is pandering to the unfortunate majority of people who find this kind of thing to be important. How is it relevant whether a given person is speaking English or Spanish or French or Swahili or ancient Aramaic? If an immigrant wants to advance to a better job or to an opportunity where speaking English is required, he or she will learn it. That's their own business. If the government wants to provide classes to help them do so, more power to them.

English is not in danger of being replaced as the dominant language in this country. Lawmakers need to stop wasting the nation's time with this nonsense.

Common Sense Taxed

2006-05-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

With another tax bill that primarily benefits the rich passed today, this one worth $69 billion, one can only wonder how in the face of a mounting deficit and unfathomable war costs, Republicans can continue to cut taxes for the wealthy. They need to pay for that all-important security fence, after all.

It's not just that Republicans love rich people, or don't care about the future. Sure, those things are mostly true, but average people who salivate over the phrase "tax cut" every other November are just as much to blame. Your local Republican senator will now go around thumping his chest about how he cut taxes. Meanwhile if you make less than $75,000 a year, he saved you about 100 bucks or less. That'll get you about 3 extra tanks of gas.

Fare Scare

2006-05-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

According to the New York State comptroller, the MTA can get by without its proposed fare hike next year thanks to an unexpectedly high cash balance.

Good news although I highly doubt that the MTA will not raise fares, something they've been more and more eagar to do in the last few years. Obviously being able to get from Brooklyn to the Bronx or from Jamaica to downtown Manhattan for $2 is a bargain.

Still the service isn't any better than it was when the price was $1.50 a ride, and we know that money isn't going to significantly higher pay for transit workers, so where exactly is it going? A typical trip through the New York City subway system entails watching cat-sized rats scurry across the tracks, and hoping that your train will actually take its prescribed route, which it often does not with no notice or announcement. When you are on the right track, so to speak, you're often delayed by "switching problems" or "debris" or one of a plethora of other problems that can keep you motionless in a dark tunnel for 20, 30, or even 40 minutes.

Another fun trick the MTA likes to play is changing train routes for no apparent reason. The D goes where the B used to go, and the C doesn't go to the Bronx anymore, and wait, there's a V and a W now? You often find yourself wondering if you were absent the day in Kindergarden when they went over the alphabet.

I know a good deal when I see one. I'm perfectly willing to pay $2.50 for a trip into the city, but for 5 trips a week that's an extra $130 a year. I want to get something in return this time.

Exit Exams... Exit.

2006-05-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

In California a judge plans to grant an injunction blocking the graduation of high school seniors who hadn't passed a controverial exit exam that had been put into place this year.

Good for him. An exam like this is utterly pointless. We're talking about a high school diploma here, not a law degree or a doctorate. It's not the state has to live up to the standards of employers out there who are blown away by the incredible achievement of making it through the rigors of high school. Just give them their diplomas and let them get on with their lives.

New York State and its regents exams are a similar situation. If a teacher felt that a student had done enough to pass a given course, why does he or she have to prove it again by sitting through a test that does little but test their ability to take tests? Society wouldn't be losing anything by graduating students who don't have that all important skill.

The Thought That Counts

2006-05-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

As construction began this week at the World Trade Center site, an increasingly nasty debate has erupted over the ballooning pricetag of the Ground Zero memorial, the safety of the planned underground museum, and the emotions entangled with the design that was selected without much public input.

Some question the concern over the price when more is being spent by the city to build stadiums. Others lament the use of the issue to further politicized agendas, and the governors of New York and New Jersey demanding that the pricetag be slashed in half. Meanwhile some victims family members are skewering the design itself saying that it doesn't do enough to honor those who died.

This is out of hand. The point of a memorial is for those who see it to remember what happened there. It shouldn't matter whether it costs $1 billion or $500 million or $49.99 with free shipping and handling. Do we really need giant reflecting pools and underground waterfalls to appreciate the severity of 9/11?

Super-artsy architecture and futuristic designs and glass cases with 9/11 artifacts are all well and good, but in the end it's the thought, or the thoughts of the people who view whatever winds up being there, that counts.

A Horse Is A Horse, And So On

2006-05-06T23:09:00.000-07:00

Well another year and once again, my Kentucky Derby strategy of picking the horse with the coolest name, in this case, Sinister Minister, fails to pay off with the big bucks. Sigh.

I was sure to pay extra close attention to the race this year, because in the face of the current fuel crisis, this might be the mode of transportation that we're all using within the next couple of years.

Warehouses, Identity Burn in Brooklyn

2006-05-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

New York City's largest fire in over a decade has been burning for the past 3 days over blocks worth of abandoned warehouses in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Hundreds of firefighters have been battling the blaze, which has been labeled suspicious because of accelerant found in five different spots around the building.

The owner of the site is a real estate developer whose plan to build waterfront condos has stalled because of historical preservationists who are trying to get the century-old warehouses declared landmarks, which would mean that they couldn't be taken down. Well, so much for that. Seems like those condos will be going up after all. Surprise, surprise.

I don't buy the "industrial history" argument, but the borough of Brooklyn is undergoing a massive change that mirrors what will happen at the site of the fire. One and two family homes and small businesses are being replaced by towering condo developments that developers are rushing to get built ahead of a proposed zoning law change by the city.

Drive down the 6-mile span of Ocean Avenue, for example, and you'll see at least ten active construction sites all building the same thing---condo developments that look almost identical. Emmons Avenue in Sheepshead Bay, which used to be dotted with seafood restaurants is now the home to and endless sea of completed and semi-completed condos, one taller than the next. Brooklyn is still the most unique of the boroughs, but you can't help but feel that some of that character is being drowned.

On the Greenpoint waterfront, it will be more of the same. It doesn't take a pyrotechnics engineer to figure out what happened there.

The Cell Beats the Needle

2006-05-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today, the Zacharias Moussaoui jury made the right decision, sentencing the wannabe terrorist and 9/11 hijacker to life in prison instead of death. I talked a little about this issue earlier in the month, my view basically being this:

Disregarding whatever outside views one may have about the death penalty it is
certainly not the ultimate solution in this case. Better to make Moussaoui wait
a few more decades in prison before he gets to go meet those 72 virgins.

By living out his days in prison, Moussaoui doesn't get to fulfill the martyr wish that he's held for some time. Even staunch death penalty supporters would have to admit that in this case, the cell certainly seems like a much harsher punishment than the needle.

It's good to see that these jurors were able to have a more sophisticated understanding of this than did President Bush or Rudy Giuliani who were hoping for capital punishment, or than the justice department, for that matter, who spent millions arguing for death.

Or not...

2006-05-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

Well for those of you out there who had your bags packed for Mexico, seems you might be reconsidering your move. Vicente Fox has decided not to sign the bill that would have made small amounts of drugs legal for our neighbors to the south.

"In our country the possession of drugs and their consumption are, and will
continue to be, crimes," (Fox's) office said in a statement.

Looks like the Mexican government won't have to build that security fence to keep the Americans out after all.

S Sue V

2006-05-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

10 states are suing the Bush adminstration over new light truck and SUV federal fuel-efficiency standards (that term is used extremely loosely here) that ignore the environment and any reasonable form of conservation.

I have to admit that when I saw the words "sue" and "Bush" next to each other in a headline I got a little more excited than this story warrants. Still it is heart warming to see that these states, albeit, all blue states except for the purpleish New Mexico, are standing up to the administration and its love affair with oil and automotive companies.

It's amazing to think that while gas prices are holding steady at over $3.00 a gallon, those in power continue to sell out the American public by allowing corporations to get away with whatever they please.

My first thought is always that anyone who buys an SUV is merely compensating for other shortcomings and deserves to spend 2/3 of their income on fuel. But still, these people and their need to feel like they can crush their fellow motorists increases our fuel use as a whole and helps contribute to the astronomical prices that we all pay.

Amsterdam on the Rio Grande

2006-05-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

As Lee Wilson points out, Mexican President Vicente Fox plans to sign a bill within the next few days legalizing the personal use of drugs like marijuana, LSD, cocaine, amphetamines, and heroin.

No truth to the rumor that President Bush has scheduled a dimplomatic trip (no pun intended) to Mexico for next week... for old times sake.

If It Quacks Like a Duck...

2006-05-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani has been traveling around on the Republican fund raiser junket, looking not only to help out right wing congressional candidates, but also estimating his own chances at a 2008 Presidential bid. The prevailing thought is that Giuliani, not being a "typical Republican" will have a hard time currying favor with the party's conservative base.

While I'm certainly not hoping for the Republicans to nominate the one public figure who I find less palatable than the current president, I'm wondering what, exactly is so atypical about him?

Like many of his compadres, he's mastered the art of profiting personally and politically from vast human suffering. Despite Bushian 30-something approval ratings on September 10th, 2001, Giuliani managed to make himself look like a hero, especially outside the Big Apple, by attending a lot of funerals and looking distraught but calm on TV after 9/11. After his term ended he started collecting six figure speaking fees, which were only available to him because of his post-9/11 popularity, and started Giuliani Partners, which has won no-bid contracts in Iraq as well as a consulting job with Entergy, a company looking to limit its Hurricane Katrina related losses. Sounds like a typical republican to me!

Realistically, the strongarm bully tactics and nasty rhetoric that Giuliani commonly used as mayor probably won't play on a national scale, and he'll either decide not to run, or drop out early in the campaign. The bright side of him staying in the race long-term would be that hopefully more people nationwide would begin to see through the heroic image that he and the national media have created. Maybe they'd learn how, as mayor, he belittled teachers and city employees, or how under his watch police brutality reached record highs, or how during his reign those firefighters whose funerals he attended had been working without a contract for over a year.

How Not To Get Murdered in NYC

2006-04-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

Last week, the Times reported some facts about the 540 murders that took place in New York City in 2005. Based on the info, here are some helpful hints on how to stay alive out there.

First of all, you don't need to worry much about being dragged into an alley by a random stranger and never heard from again. The media likes to scare everyone when it happens, but in reality, 75 percent of killings are done by people who know the victim. So as for friends and loved ones... keep an eye on them.

There's no use fearing those different from you, because in more than 3/4 of murders, the killer and victim are of the same race. How's that for racial harmony?

The most killings, 90, took place in Brooklyn's 75th precinct, which covers parts of East New York and Canarsie. You might want to stay out of those areas on dark and stormy nights (for dramatic effect, that is, there are no stats suggesting that bad weather causes murders).

Watch out for men more than women. 93 percent of murderers were male, as were 82 percent of their victims. However, if you catch your girlfriend staring longingly at your new set of steak knives, you have cause for concern. Women were more likely to kill a lover, and knives were their general weapon of choice. For the ladies out there, watch out for the guy you just dumped. Men were far more likely to kill their ex.

Finally, stay out of jail. While 90 percent of murderers had criminal records, so did more than half of their victims. If you keep your nose clean, it seems, people have less of a reason to want you gone.

So there you have it. I hope this advice proves useful and saves some lives in the coming year.

Jose Can You See...

2006-04-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

President Bush doesn't approve of a spanish recording of the National Anthem, which aims to "honor immigrants."

"The national anthem ought to be sung in English," Bush said, so "That we not lose our national soul." He also said that immigrants "ought to learn English."

Yeah I can see where people not speaking English would gnaw away at our national identity. I mean it's not like most Americans' ancestors came from somewhere else or anything...

And how can Bush expect immigrants to master the English language when he clearly hasn't?

More On Gas.

2006-04-27T12:03:00.000-07:00

Apparently it's possible to convert old diesel car engines to run on vegetable oil that's used to cook food in. So basically when you're done with that large order of fries, dump the remnants into your gas tank and you're on your way!

Of course it's not as simple as all that, but it's nice to see that people are coming up with some new ideas in the face of the current oil crisis. Maybe some of them will find their way into the mainstream sometime soon and through the defenses of the oil lobby.

Hu's On First

2006-04-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

When George W. Bush met with Chinese President Hu Jintao last week one can only imagine what detailed and profound discussions transpired between the two leaders. At great personal risk I've managed to obtain a transcript of one of those conversations:

"So what's your name again?"
"Hu."
"Er... you. Who are you?"
"That's right."
"Huh?"
"No, Hu."
"Ahh nevermind. So you're from where again?"

What's Wrong With Democrats Continued...

2006-04-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Michael and Jennifer for noticing my post about the role of the abortion debate in elections. Their comments point at the greater picture of what's wrong with the Democratic Party in general.

Jennifer's right that Republicans deliberately try to sucker their opponents into rhetoric about abortion rights, and gay marriage for that matter. The problem is that noble as these causes might be, they are issues on which Democrats just can't win. Why? Ask a conservative what he thinks about abortion. "I oppose it," he'll say. Now ask a Democrat running for statewide or national office. "I support it... well sort of but not always... except in cases W, X, Y, and Z."

Now imagine you're an uninformed tank top clad average American voter downing a can of Bud on your way to the NASCAR race in your pickup. Who sounds more authoritarian? More like a leader? It's no wonder that the media always pins Democrats with the "flip-flopper" tag. It's no wonder that Republicans keep wanting to talk about these issues.

In a perfect world, Democrats would just go ahead and say, "Yeah I'm totally pro-choice, deal with it," or "Yes, gays should get married like everyone else, who would they be hurting?" But let's face it. That's not going to happen. The problem is that the Al Gores and John Kerrys of the world give off the impression that their agenda is just to get into office. Their actions and words say, "I want to get elected." It should be "I want to get elected so I can..."

But short of coming up with actual inspiring candidates, what Democrats CAN do is not let Republicans carry the debate away from the pitiful job that they and their President are doing. Next time a Republican says, "My opponent wants to deface the sacriment of marriage," don't respond with the usual "But... er... I... uh..." Let's hear something like, "What I'm worried about are the millions of MARRIED FAMILES living below the poverty line in the Bush economy."

Michael's right that the Democrats need a more unified message. I remember New York City Mayor's races where the Democratic candidates would bicker over who was the most pro-choice or anti-death penalty. Meanwhile the office they were running for has absolutely no say over either of those issues. It's time for Democrats to stand up and be a real opposition party instead of Republicans-light. Tell the people why the guys in power are doing a bad job and why you'd do better.

Too Much To Bear

2006-04-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently bear maulings are on the upswing. In the latest incident, a hunter was attacked in a Washington State national park.

"I think it is probably just a matter of there being more bears and more people
in bear range than ever before," Joe Clark, an ecologist with the U.S.
Geological Survey, told the Associated Press.

Perhaps the bears are angry because people... oh i don't know... go into the woods and SHOOT AT THEM? I definitely don't understand the appeal of hunting. Does loading up and blowing away Yogi or Bambi really make you feel like that much of a tough guy? I wonder if the "sport" would be as popular if the animals had long range rifles, too.

Hmm. Or maybe the bears just "hate our freedom"...

Boise Idaho and a Horse and Buggy

2006-04-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

Took a look at the gas station on my corner today and to use a Bushism to describe my reaction... "Shock and Awe." 3.15 a gallon! And the station across the street was 3.25. And it's not just my corner. This kind of thing is going on all over.

So I got to thinking... how can I reduce my fuel consumption? Some people buy hybrids, but depending on how much you drive, it can take up to five years for them to pay for themselves. That won't work. I'll be broke by then.

The cheapest gas in the country can be found in Boise, Idaho. I could always move there. But in such an isolated place I'll have to log that many more miles. There go my savings.

Alright... plan C. I'm going to attach some sort of sail to the top of my car and rely on wind power to get me around. But what if the wind isn't blowing in the direction that I want to go? Hmm...

Wait, wait... I've got it this time. Horse and buggy?

Don't Do Them a Favor

2006-04-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

In Pennsylvania, a lot of Democrats are throwing their support behind Bob Casey Jr. to unseat sitting right-wing wacko Senator Rick Santorum. Why is this unusual? Because Casey, although liberal on many issues does not support abortion rights. Still, the show of support from Democrats nationwide reminds us that this is just one issue of many.

Why does abortion have to be a primary issue in every single election? Yes, it's an important threshold in keeping the government out of personal affairs. Yes it's a fundamental right that everyone should maintain.

But there are less than a million abortions a year. Essentially, the abortion issue affects less than half of one percent of the population. Meanwhile, there are 40 million people living below the poverty line, 7 million without jobs, and almost 16% of Americans have no health insurance. Making campaigns about debates like abortion allows Republicans to sweep their dismal performance under the rug. Democrats need not do them that favor.

Crime Doesn't Pay... It Sells

2006-04-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

If, for some reason, your faith in the ghoulishness of the American consumer had been wavering, take a look at the fact that since several of their players allegedly raped a woman at a party, Duke Lacrosse merchandise is flying off the shelves.

Getting in trouble seems to be the most effective way to sell your gear. The sudden Duke Lacrosse fans are no doubt the same people who bought "Free Kobe" shirts during the Laker star's rape trial and the same who couldn't wait to get their very own Ron Artest jersey after the NBAer charged into the stands a decked a few spectators.

It's not surprising that the most popular NFL jersey is Randy Moss, known, among other things, for bumping a meter maid with his car two years ago. Rest assured, you don't have to look far on the internet to find scores of O.J. Simpson throwbacks.

So if you're an athlete aching for a few extra licensing dollars, why not throw back a few shots and run your Bentley into a minivan? Why not throw a couple guys through a plate-glass bar window? You, too, can be the darling of the "look-at-me" consumer.

Get the Clowns Out, Just Not OUR Clown

2006-04-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

According to a new Gallup Poll (alright it's from last week but it's new to me!), public approval of the job Congress is doing is at its lowest level since 1994. Only 23 percent of Americans are satisfied with the goings on on Capitol Hill while 70 percent seem to be a smidge perturbed.

Given the Abramoff and DeLay scandals and congress' complete inability and unwillingness to act as a check on Bush lunacy, its easy to see why people aren't thrilled. But before you start to get all excited about kissing the GOP leadership goodbye let's keep a couple things in mind.

The nonsensical paradox still exists that no matter how upset people are with congress as a whole, they never seem to take it out on their own representatives. The House enjoys a re-election rate of 96% while Senators find their way back to Washington every six years at an 88% clip. Sure there's gerrymandering involved, but still people seem to adhere to the old "Well things are going pretty badly, but this guy's got a nice firm handshake" approach.

Maybe someday people will understand that if you think congress is doing a bad job, and your representative is a Republican, there's a decent chance that he might be just a teensy bit to blame, no matter how good he looks in pictures with babies. Until more of the public discovers the novel concept of VOTING FOR SOMEONE ELSE, I'll hold back on my optimism about a Democratic sweep this November.

The Real Thieves

2006-04-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

A popular sentiment in the face of the immigration protests and debate has been that illegal immigrants are "stealing American jobs" because of their willingness to work for lower wages than American citizens.

Is it illegal immigrants who are depriving Americans of the opportunity to work? Or is it the contractor who would drive over his mother to find a bevy of immigrants willing to work for 3 bucks an hour? The restaurant owner who drools over the thought of a dishwasher who will toil night after night for half of minimum wage?

There is an overwhelming tendency, in this case, like in most, to blame those merely trying to make a better life for themselves, rather than at the ones who would do anything for a few extra numbers in the profit margin. How about pointing the finger where it belongs for once?

Bush Writes it Off

2006-04-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

Good to know that the Bush White House, as usual, is standing up for the little guy. That is if that little guy happens to have an investment portfolio as thick as a telephone book.

Bush used his radio address this Tax Day to urge congress to extend his tax cuts that benefit mostly the richest fraction of the taxpayers. In particular he wants to keep the maximum capital gains tax at 15%. It would go to 20 if his cuts were not extended.

So, as we all know, Bush continues to pour money into Iraq and refuses to ask his wealthy base of supporters to foot the bill. Not surprising since this kind of thing has been going on for five years. Unfortunately, it's not hard to envision a scenario where Democratic members of congress cave on the issue so that their opponents this November can't pelt them with the "he voted against tax cuts" schtick.

Beyond the obvious, there are more reasons why rich people don't need tax cuts. First of all, they buy more stuff, than the rest of us, and as it turns out, a lot of that stuff is tax-deductible, especially if they own their own businesses or work for themselves. Use the Mercedes to get to and from work? Write it off! Mortgage payments on the Hamptons house? Deduction city!

And how do they find all these breaks? Because they can afford the best accountants and tax lawyers. Guys who devote their entire existence to deciphering the tax code for the benefit of their clients and then go home to their own mansions and luxury cars.

Where would these miserable downtrodden souls be if it weren't for the administration doing everything in its power to spare them from the oppressive evil of taxation? Well, rest assured, we may never have to find out.

If You've Got an Afternoon to Waste...

2006-04-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Checking my TV schedule for this weekend, and as usual there's golf on. CBS in this case. I cannot, for the life of me, understand the appeal of watching golf on TV. There's even an entire cable channel devoted to it. Watching golf seems to be about as exciting as watching grass grow, which, it appears, is a major portion of the event. How exciting can anything be where the players require complete silence from the crowd?

This also begs the question of whether or not golf is actually a sport. Golf aficionados seem to say that it is, but let's take a closer look. The guy who won their biggest event last weekend seemed to have quite a belly on him. But alright so do some major league pitchers like last year's AL cy young winner. Still, lets weigh golf against the...

WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS rules for being a sport

1. The activity must involve some sort of athletic activity.
Alright, I suppose it does although just standing there swinging a club is borderline.

2. The activity must be competitive.
Yes, golf is competitive, although their scoring system is about as backward as it gets.

3. The activity must involve at least 3 of the following: Running, jumping, some sort of projectile. Skating counts as running, and sports that are in themselves one of the three (marathon running for example) are obviously sports.
HA. We've got golf here. It does involve a projectile, but there is no jumping and certainly no running. Players stroll from hole to hole at a leisurely pace. Baseball for example involves all three, as do football and basketball. Even Hockey involves 2.

So there you have it. Golf may be a pastime that some people enjoy but it is certainly NOT a sport.

Damn Right!

2006-04-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

A Nevada court has granted a 9th grader the right to recite a poem in class which his school had banned. The school administration considered it offensive because it contained the words "damn" and "hell." Why, one might ask, did it take a court ruling to protect a student's right to free speech?

The poem is "The More Loving One" by W.H. Auden, written in 1957. It rhymes, which is always good for us poetic simpletons. Here it is for all you poetry buffs out there.

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well

That, for all they care, I can go to hell,

But on earth indifference is the least

We have to dread from man or beast.
How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we could not return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am

Of stars that do not give a damn,

I cannot, now I see them, say

I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die,

I should learn to look at an empty sky

And feel its total darkness sublime,

Though this might take me a little time.

Wow. As you can see it doesn't get much more offensive than that. Good to know that our schools are so vigilant in protecting 14-year-olds from the unspeakable horrors of the words "damn" and "hell". Naturally their virgin ears have never heard anything like that before despite the fact those two words are uttered at least a dozen times on every prime time network TV show. No doubt the kids who are forced to hear them again the next time this poem is recited will all drop out of school by their senior year and grow up to be pimps, prostitutes, and drug dealers.

After all, four letter words do so much more to stimey the educational process than do the White House's brilliant strategies of mandating No Child Left Behind programs and then not funding them, or promoting fake science like intelligent design.

ABC Crosses the Stream

2006-04-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

In a bit of good news for anyone who doesn't like having to be home at specific times to see their favorite TV shows, ABC has announced plans to stream online repeats of some of their shows' episodes for free the day after their original airing.

This is an absolutely brilliant idea, and ABC's competitors should quickly follow suit. It used to be that if you followed a show you could afford to miss an episode because they were all pretty independent of one another. You could pick things up the next week without much problem. Now, dramas, and even comedies are increasingly sequential. You miss one show and you're likely to find yourself sitting there the next week muttering at the TV things like "Wait, he's working for the bad guys now?" or "Hold on, how did she lose her right arm?"

Any worries that ratings will be diluted by streaming shows should be far outweighed by the fact that with more opportunities to see each episode, people will be more likely to invest themselves and become fans. HBO has grabbed a sizeable portion of the TV market, not only because their shows are generally superior in quality, but also because viewers can watch them at five or six different times during the week. Hopefully the other networks are paying close attention to ABC's maneuver. This might be the way of the future.

Don't Worry, It's Only the Rest of Your Life

2006-04-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

A lawsuit in Minnesota and another in Long Island have been filed against the company that gives the ever popular SAT. It seems that some 4,411 students out of the 500,000 who took the life-altering test in October received scores that were mistakenly lower than they deserved. On the bright side, about 600 test takers were rewarded with erroneous higher scores.

5,000 mistakes out of 500,000 tests might not seem like that much, but since colleges weigh the test so heavily in their admissions process, you can understand why the 4,411 low scores would be upset. It doesn't seem like too much to ask that, when you are forced to take a test that determines the course of four years of your life, the scoring be pretty close to perfect.

This story highlights the ridiculousness of how much emphasis is put on the SAT for getting into college. The same can be said of the GRE for graduate school, the LSAT for law school, and the multitude of other exams that supposedly separate the deserving from the undeserving. It's one test, but how you do on it sticks with you for years. Oh look over there, it's Mr. 1380 standing next to Ms. 1120.

High schools and colleges don't all use the same standard of grading, so using the standardized tests as a measure gives universities an easy way out when deciding who to accept. Still if they looked more at other factors, they'd benefit not only the applicants, but also the quality of their admitted class.

My Kingdom For a Paper Towel

2006-04-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

If you've been in a bathroom in a public place recently you may have noticed something missing from the restrooms of the past. That's right, the forces that be have conspired to take away our paper towels. Instead, we get those blower machines. This is one area where technology has not improved our lives. The two or three second hand drying process with a classic piece of brown paper towel has been replaced by a tedious 30-second session of holding one's hands under a stream of semi-hot air. When the machine shuts itself off one will usually find that his hands are not dry and will have to either push the button and wait again, or resort to drying them on his pants. This is done so that movie theater, restaurant, gym, and other business owners can save a few bucks on paper towels while hopefully nobody notices. Shameful!

Take That, Song Stealer

2006-04-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

Nice to see the Mets new closer Billy Wagner blow a save last night after having the nerve to come into the game to the sounds of Mariano Rivera's trademark warm-up song, Metallica's "Enter Sandman."

Yes, I know that Wagner's been using the song for his whole career, and that Rivera really could care less who uses his tune, but this is something that's for the fans. At Yankee Stadium, the crowd goes wild, rushing to the feet, as soon as the first notes blast from the centerfield speakers. Whether it's their intention or not, the Mets should be embarassed to be copying that distinctly Bronx event.

With Ryan Zimmerman's line drive shot into the left field stands last night, erasing the 1-run lead that Wagner was charged with protecting, the baseball gods have spoken. "Billy," they said, "time to get a new song."

2006-04-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

A Fate Worse Than Death

2006-04-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

A lot of people seem to be thumping their chests over would-be 9/11 hijacker Zacharias Moussaoui coming one step closer to the death penalty yesterday. That sort of celebration does not make a whole lot of sense.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't this guy planning to blow himself up? If we take him at his word, he was going to fly a fifth hijacked jet into the White House. With that in mind, death doesn't exactly seem like the appropriate punishment here. He wanted to martyr himself, and killing him would be letting him do just that.

Disregarding whatever outside views one may have about the death penalty it is certainly not the ultimate solution in this case. Better to make Moussaoui wait a few more decades in prison before he gets to go meet those 72 virgins.

Thanks, But No Thanks

2006-04-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

"When I grow up I want to be an astronaut."
"I want to be president."
"I want to be director of FEMA."

Actually, you probably won't be hearing much of that last one. Especially from the nation's top disaster relief experts. It's been seven months since Hurricane Katrina ravaged both the Gulf Coast, and America's confidence in the government's ability to respond in an emergency. In that time, the Bush Administration has been offering the FEMA director's post, vacated in disgrace by Michael Brown, to several top disaster specialists. The responses have been cool at best. The director spot, and other top posts at FEMA are still held by acting and temporary appointees.

You really can't blame anyone for not wanting the job. It's a difficult spot to begin with, the kind of position where you're only noticed when something terrible happens. If everything goes swimmingly in response to an emergency hardly any national attention is paid to FEMA because that's how people expect things to go. If things go badly, or unimaginably badly as they did in the case of Katrina, well, then you're in some trouble. Even the fact that the ex-FEMA chief warned the President of the impending crisis in New Orleans has done little to mend Brown's bruised reputation in the eyes of the public.

If you're a disaster relief expert this probably isn't the administration you want to be working with. As they might say on monster.com, if you're interested in being George W. Bush's FEMA director, you might also be interested in the following exciting opportunities...

Iranian Director of Religious Tolerance and Multiculturalism.
Commissioner of the Belarus Board of Elections.
Director of the New Jersey Clean Air & Fresh Water Initiative.

FEMA Calls, but Top Job Is Tough Sell - New York Times

If You Build It, They Will Complain

2006-03-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

Last week, the Empire State Development Corporation, the board with final approval over all major construction projects in New York (the agency that finally crushed the West Side Olympic fiasco) approved the city's deal to build new stadiums for the Yankees and Mets by 2009. Not unexpectedly, the city and the general public are getting hosed.

The projects' supporters estimate the city's contribution to the projects at about $200 million, but watchdog groups say that in reality it may be quadruple that when all factors are added in. For that one would hope that these stadiums would somehow benefit the public. That benefit is hard to find. The new ballparks will have a combined 15,000 fewer seats than their classic counterparts. Those seats will be replaced by scores of luxury boxes, an amenity whose primary purpose is so that rich people can enjoy a game without running the risk of catching middle class cooties.

In the Bronx, the new Yankee Stadium will be built on what are currently two parks used by a number of schools and community groups. In the end result, the park land will be replaced, but in less accessible places, like on top of parking garages. During the course of the construction, which could take as long as three years, the parks will be gone, a dangerous condition, especially in such a notoriously rough neighborhood as the South Bronx.

The old Yankee Stadium is oozing with history and character. No, it's not the same building that Babe Ruth or Joe DiMaggio played in, but it is essentially the same field. Newer ballparks in other cities are nice to visit, but they have the feel of watching a game in a mall. People are wandering around the entire game, doing everything from playing amusement park games, to waiting on line at the sushi stand, to whizzing down giant baseball glove-shaped slides. That might work for Baltimore or Philadelphia, but for New York?