Sunday, April 30, 2006

How Not To Get Murdered in NYC

Last week, the Times reported some facts about the 540 murders that took place in New York City in 2005. Based on the info, here are some helpful hints on how to stay alive out there.

First of all, you don't need to worry much about being dragged into an alley by a random stranger and never heard from again. The media likes to scare everyone when it happens, but in reality, 75 percent of killings are done by people who know the victim. So as for friends and loved ones... keep an eye on them.

There's no use fearing those different from you, because in more than 3/4 of murders, the killer and victim are of the same race. How's that for racial harmony?

The most killings, 90, took place in Brooklyn's 75th precinct, which covers parts of East New York and Canarsie. You might want to stay out of those areas on dark and stormy nights (for dramatic effect, that is, there are no stats suggesting that bad weather causes murders).

Watch out for men more than women. 93 percent of murderers were male, as were 82 percent of their victims. However, if you catch your girlfriend staring longingly at your new set of steak knives, you have cause for concern. Women were more likely to kill a lover, and knives were their general weapon of choice. For the ladies out there, watch out for the guy you just dumped. Men were far more likely to kill their ex.

Finally, stay out of jail. While 90 percent of murderers had criminal records, so did more than half of their victims. If you keep your nose clean, it seems, people have less of a reason to want you gone.

So there you have it. I hope this advice proves useful and saves some lives in the coming year.


Blogger indefinitelee said...

I liked the finding that 1am-2am was the most dangerous hour. that's why I always stay at the club until the sun comes out again.

8:18 PM  

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